The Japanese have an obsession. Well, they have numerous obsessions. Among other things, they have an unusual fascination with perverted comic books, the size of a foreign male’s genitals, conforming with the group, speaking about the excellence of their own cuisine, and making boring, long-winded speeches. But, these are all normal obsessions, are they not? Who doesn’t like sitting with their fellow ‘group’ members over a fine Japanese meal while speaking about the incredibly large private parts of the foreigners depicted in the comic books being passed around the table? It’s a typical Saturday night for me, anyway.
One of the more unusual and nonsensical fixations however, involves something much more mundane; something quite ordinary – something you may not even think about twice. I’m talking about parking. To be more specific, I’m talking about the manner with which the Japanese park their cars. The Japanese are obsessed with parking their cars backwards into the spaces. They say it is easier, but for the life of me, I can’t understand why. When I try to reason with my Japanese friends, arguing that it is actually more difficult, they shake their heads in defiance. “No, it is easier.”
When driving through a busy, nearly full parking lot- a parking lot without the luxury of having an over-zealous parking patrolman- the moron driving in front of me will often cruise past one of the only open spaces. “Haha… fool…” I mutter under my breath, thinking that the person in front of me just passed up on a golden opportunity. But wait! Don’t get your hopes up so quickly, funny looking ‘gaijin’ with no concept of the Japanese parking customs. I soon realize that I WILL NOT be parking in this space.
The driver in front of me suddenly slams on their brakes once pulling past the open spot. The white reverse lights flash on. They then start to back up, ass first into the parking spot. This requires me to back up as well in order to allow them room to squeeze in (much to my annoyance, I might add). They carefully back into the space, slower than a granny trying to land her butt in the seat of a crowded Winnipeg public bus on a frigid January morning; maneuvering this way and that, making sure not to damage the other vehicles that they are narrowly squeezing between. Finally, after an easily avoidable amount of difficulty, and many seconds of my short existence wasted watching them struggle to squeeze into the narrow space, they are snuggled into their parking spot and I am left to search for another. Ohh! It's soooo much easier!
It is simpler, in my opinion, to pull in front first. That way, when backing up, you are backing into an open lane rather than trying to back into a narrow space between two other cars. But, such foreign logic and ‘double-speak’ does not help to convince the Japanese of the evil in their ways. “It is easier,” they say stubbornly, claiming that when you are backed in, it is much faster to leave (funny enough, they leave their slippers in the entrance-way of a house in the same fashion – facing out for a quick get-away, as if, on the odd chance, they might actually do something immoral and need to flee the group- not bloody likely!). “You are already facing forward" they tell me. "You just have to pull away.” What they mean to say is, “everyone else is doing it!”
That is part of the 'problem' with the Japanese mindset; lack of individuality and free-thinking. In most countries, some more so than others, parking lots are beautiful, chaotic mosaics of coloured cars, parked facing forward, backward, sideways, and everything in between. Here in Ibaraki, Japan, on the other hand, it is just the opposite. There is far too much order and balance. In most parking lots, nearly every car will be parked ass-in, and one rarely sees any flashy coloured vehicles. Maybe it is just my mind playing tricks on me, but they all seem to be neutral-coloured or earth-toned, and of standard shape and size; like something out of ‘bizzarro world.’ At least it’s never hard to find my car in a parking lot. I just look for the only one that is parked differently from the others.
In Japanese, the word for ‘different’ –‘chigau’- is the same as the word for ‘wrong’. This speaks volumes about the Japanese perception of things atypical. All too often, ‘different’ is seen as being ‘wrong.’ Japan is an incredibly ethnocentric society and the people quite adamantly boast that no foreigner could ever truly understand the Japanese way of life. One is not considered to be ‘Japanese’ unless their ancestors have lived here for as long as history has been recorded. Your great-grandparents could have emigrated from China 150 years ago- you may have never been outside of Japan in your life, you speak no other language other than Japanese, and you know no other way of life- but to the Japanese, you are still a ‘foreigner’, because, somewhere in your lineage, your ancestors came from the outside world.
There is no equivalent in Japan to being a ‘Jamaican-Canadian’ or ‘Dutch-Canadian.’ There are ‘Japanese’ and there are ‘foreigners.’ That’s it. Japanese people often ask me, “what do Canadians eat?’ I try to explain that Canada is made up of people from all over the world, and therefore we don’t have a common diet. “Yes,” they say, “but what do Canadians eat?” I’m not sure that this concept of diversity is one that they can truly understand or relate to.
If you reach deep down into the depths of Japanese culture, beyond the technological gadgets, cheesy pop music, and ever-popular anime and comics, you realize that things in Japan haven’t changed much in recent history. Customs and cultural practices are essentially the same as they have always been; uniquely Japanese and virtually free of foreign influence. To many Japanese, ‘different’ IS ‘wrong.’ Things have worked a certain way for as long as anyone can remember; the Japanese way. Why change now?
I feel, however, that a little bit of chaos is much needed here in Japan. Whether it is in the parking lots, the school system, or in general, day to day life, it would be nice to see the occasional kink in the chain. And, to an extent, that is why we foreign English teachers are hired through the JET Program. Many of us have no teaching experience and we are clearly not here to ‘enlighten the masses’. Teaching was barely touched upon in the hiring process for this job, and I was not given any teaching training upon my arrival in Japan. We are here rather, because someone high up in the Japanese school system- someone with a free thinking, ‘outside the box’ mindset- realized nearly 20 years ago that it is important for the Japanese youth to open their minds and acknowledge that there is a whole other world out there, beyond the rocky, sea-cliffs and beaches of Japan.
I am not here primarily as an English educator, but as a living, breathing example of diversity. I am here to stir things up a bit – and I take every opportunity to do so- at school, in restaurants, while driving, everywhere I go. I purposely do things in a non-Japanese way. Not to the extent of being rude, but just to be different. And they are very open to it in most instances, because I am a foreigner, and it is expected that I will be different, perhaps wrong. They laugh, joke around, and enjoy the circus attraction. But, never would a Japanese person do some of the things that I so easily get away with. The social guidelines and mores are very well defined.
A few years from now, the students that I have taught will likely have forgotten the useless textbook English phrases that they are forced to regurgitate and repeat, over and over again until memorized. They will never use the majority of the English that they have studied unless they go abroad (which Japanese people seldom do- they don’t have time for holidays). They will never have to approach a foreigner in the Tokyo subway station and ask in English what time the next train to Shibuya leaves. They will never have to ask in English for directions to the nearest restaurant (and I would feel sorry for them if they had to!). To know English in Japan may be an advantage, but it will never be a necessity- especially for the country-bumpkins that I’m teaching. However, if my students learn one thing from me- if there is one thing that I can teach them that they will remember forever- I hope that it is that ‘different’ doesn’t necessarily mean ‘wrong.’ Well, that, and I’ll try to teach them a thing or two about parking.
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