Japanese People: The Average Jane

After having visited 30 countries and many more cultures during my life, Japan has managed to snuggle itself cozily into an unshared section of the ruffled bed that is my cultural familiarity. This unparalleled island nation stands on its own in one sense of my varied cultural encounters. Although Japanese culture is dripping in rich colour, its storied history reads like a flight of the imagination, and it has customs which are unique throughout the globe, I can name a dozen other countries that meet the same criteria. In my mind, these are not the things which distinguish Japan from the world’s many other realms. What separates this country, and what will perhaps leave the strongest impression on me, lingering on in my memory many years from now when my dreams of becoming a Uzbekistani cattle herder finally bring to fruition, is the fact that only in Japan have I found many aspects of a country’s culture to be outright comical.

Now, finding a culture to be humourous is not necessarily a bad thing. It’s better than being boring, right? And, the truth of the matter is that the Japanese culture is far from being boring. It is one of the most interesting and curiosity evoking cultures that I could imagine. However, there are so many customs and behaviours in Japan that, when witnessed, can’t help but make one laugh. Most days, Japan is stranger than fiction; the peculiarities of the people more bizarre than the bargain-hunters you would find at a Walmart clearance sale in Topeka, Kansas.

Japanese women pull their share of the weight when it comes to contributing to this often outlandish culture. Like a fine wine that has spent a few too many years in the secluded cellar, Japanese women, in this historically isolated and mono-cultural society, have developed idiosyncrasies- depending on the meticulousness of your palate, one might even say that they are a little ‘off’. Like a wine produced in the barren hills of Mongolia, the average Japanese woman’s ability to ‘mature’ is questionable. Judged by Western standards, many of them would be considered to be juvenile.

Perhaps the most unusual characteristic of the average Ibaraki woman is their strange obsession with all things Disney. The vehicles of Japanese women are often decorated as traveling shrines dedicated to Pooh Bear; stuffed likenesses of the honey-sucking loafer and his various care-free amigos spread about the van; cushy, colourful seat-covers bearing his adorable jowl, waiting to keep your arse warm and comfortable, and miniature effigies of the characters from ‘Pooh Corner’ dangling lifelessly from the rear-view mirror.

By far the funniest dedication to the portly sugar-addict named after my fair city was on a small van-type atrocity of a vehicle that I saw one fine afternoon while driving. Giant, coloured portraits of Winnie and his ageless Disney friends had been air-brushed onto the sides of the vehicle, each exquisitely painted in a perfect rendering, and spanning the van’s entire breadth. The time and money that must have been invested in the depiction on this van, which no self-respecting 12 year old girl in Canada would be caught dead within 30 feet of, would have made even the fun-loving and cash-hungry Mr. Walter E. Disney himself proud. The van was the Japanese woman’s equivalent to a Latino gangster’s low-rider- the ones with the topless women holding silver Berettas painted across the hood. All of the Disney characters were topless- none were holding side-arms.

Japanese women don’t stop at decorating their vehicles with the lovable characters meant to bring joy to young children and the mentally under-developed. Like devout Islamic worshippers performing the Hajj- their highly ritualized and spiritual pilgrimage to Mecca- women in Japan make an annual pilgrimage of their own. It is not a journey to a sacred religious site of great historical importance, but rather to a more modern ‘mecca’ of sorts; an oasis upon the urban desert, a sanctuary for the young at heart, and one of several of Mickey Mouse’s palatial homes (what a pimp!). I speak of Tokyo Disney. Whereas a 30 year old North American woman would likely only go to Tokyo Disney if she were curious to experience a taste of modern Japan or traveling with young ankle-biters, Japanese women make frequent trips, and can never seem to get enough of the land where time stands still, or whatever it is that happens (or doesn’t happen) within those magical walls. I have yet to visit the Eastern stronghold of the famous cartoon empire. Perhaps the magic really is addictive. Mickey has not yet sunk his piercing claws into my curiosity but my rabies inoculation is wearing thin.

Cuddly cartoon characters aren’t the only addiction that Japanese women have. Among other vices, such as sucking back cigarettes in quicker succession than a strung-out death row inmate, living with their parents until marriage, and decorating their cell phones with oodles of dangling kitsch, they have an insatiable need for Louis Vuitton accessories. Having an LV handbag or wallet in Japan is a status symbol; something that young girls and women strive for, and will often forsake other necessities in order to acquire.

There is in fact a very real and disturbing culture of hushed prostitution among a percentage of Japanese high school girls, who will sell themselves for hundreds and hundreds of dollars to older Japanese men- not because they are starving, homeless, or even poor for that matter, but because materialism’s pleasurable grip has taken hold of them, and they will do more than just salt French fries at Mos Burger in order to buy fashionable designer goods.

A coworker of a friend of mine was recently transferred to a different school after being caught soliciting sex from one of his students. The story never made the news and the teacher wasn’t prosecuted. Like many scandalous and potentially embarrassing situations in Japan, it was swept under the rug and never spoken of again. At times, avoiding possible embarrassment or shame prevails over seeking justice.

Now, if only the young women could feel at least slightly embarrassed to be driving decorated shrines to the Disney characters…. Ohh, where is the justice!?